Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
