i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
