for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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