I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
