I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize