The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
