i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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