Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
