My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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