dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
