Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
