Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
