i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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