I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
