Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
