there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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