I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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