no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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