Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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