Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
