wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I pour the whiskey from now on
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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