I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
