Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
