Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
