The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
