Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
bring money and cleavage
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
