i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
