Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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