Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
