After last night, I could never be a politician.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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