i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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