well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize