distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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