shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
