hotel room ftw
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
