she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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