Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
