4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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