the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
