Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
