Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
