Already got asked if we're dating
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
