I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
