omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I feel like abortions should bother me more
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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