i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
