fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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