mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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