How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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