i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
