OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
