There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Farmville is her only friend.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
