you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
