Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
