RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
