I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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