This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
