I wish I could teleport
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
