can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think people are normalizing furries
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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