I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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