i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
